it's not a fashion statement, it's a deathwish.

As much as i dont feel like posting this entry, you can say i really needa get this off my chest.

I feel as if i'm only 2 cents worth.
All the stuff i've done and sacrifices, the love ever so deep as a valley, seems to have been forsaken in less than 2 weeks for a new chapter of your love life.

Exactly 90 movies, another 10 to hit significant 100.
80 'loveydovey' sms i stored safely in my phone since i carried my present one.
The collected whatever-trip-tickets, pictures which i couldn't bear to delete or throw them afterall.
For a moment, I wish i was heartless or a playerette. I, hurting others and not the other way round. Selfish? yes but it's less terrible to go through criticisms than heartbreaks.

Imagine your heart being pry open and yet nobody even yourself is able to stop the bleeding, like a helpless sheep wandering among the herd.
The thought of taking the plunge actually came across my mind
I need somebody to stab me seriously there, on the left chest.
WHY? tell me whyee...
issit that easily forgotten?
when you msg me asking me to listen to that song, i searched frantically for it on the spot, right in between a bloody lecture using a laptop just to analyse the lyrics first and d/l it straight into my fren's lappy. The underlying meaning behind your actions, im truely confused.
Do not lift me high up to throw me down again. I quote you.
'Sorry' doesnt help at this point of time. It's just a form of courtesy to me anyway.
And the shadow of you seems to be lingering around everywhere i go. It's irksome yet i cant manage to get rid of that feeling.
Dejected, is that what you wana make me feel? you have succeeded, i tell you.

This year, i wish for a pill created, whereby i can select and delete the memories.

Melancholic Melody with a touch of 'dong dong chiang'

It's creepy.
Yesterday, 27th jan brought back nostalgic memories suddenly.
The few of us were happily anticipating to making our way to Xinzi's (aka pumpkin) lair at Bukit Panjang as well as to witness the aftermath of the burnt shophouses near eil's dad shop.
As we alight, we walked and we talked til we reached a particular coffee shop that looked damn familiar.
Exactly 1 month ago, I lay foot on this coffee shop for breakfast with *him and his family before we prepared ourselves for his aunt's wedding ceremony at his grandmother's place
The more coincidential thing was, pumpkin actually stays the block just behind his grandmother's !
Just 30 days difference, everything's taking a big change. Our status, our widening gap and lastly who we are to each other. From lying on your shoulders on bus or car rides to holding our hands wherever we go and to attending reunion dinners, and now to almost utter strangers not even on proper talking terms.

Anyway... the rest of the day was good, diverting my attention, spending dusk to dawn outside.
I might be posting pics in the next entry.
And 'HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR' to all, gong xi fa cai!

i whine and i am picky

I've braved the flu virus and went only for the tormenting presentation. Really one of the worse that got me stumped and suffered from ultimate nasal blockage!
Anyway i'm kinda okay now soo... i'm back in the embrace of all the pineapple tarts, pork floss rolls, baguass, chocolates and sesame mochis once again!
Yet putting all those sinful pounds is definitely not one of my objectives, more weights ahead to shed ya. Singlehood really slims you down, perhaps?

Anyway my plan is coming to an end soon, means NEW PHONE please.
HAIL~! to the the spinner fashion phone.

Problem with this is, there's simply too little memory space. I need MORE.

I need more info. on this phone. okay, I'm being fickle.
Like TOTALLY?

*You know what, i can't exactly decipher what you're trying to tell me still. It's a contradiction judging from your behaviour.

goodbye to my lovely lil thang.

He's one of my favourite. One cute lil fat furry monster that resembles sooo much like Batman and hence the name, has departed the world this morning leaving behind his dad and 2 half-siblings.

And i find myself getting bolder. Despite rearing pets for almost my entire lifetime, i'll freaked out whenever it comes to removing the carcass. This time I made an exception. I actually picked up the remains of my dead pet (for the FIRST TIME) to transfer it to a shoebox, with gloves definitely. It felt real stiff and hard, a big difference compared to carrying him alive.
I swear i would have retreated if it was in the past.
Perhaps i was too numbed this time. Overpowered by all assignments, tests, projects, presentations and the symtoms of sickness. I certainly don't wish to fall ill when Chinese New Year is just like around the corner. Like eewWwwwww~ hell NO!

Guys, what are they?

With a series of gastritis and puking due to alcoholism, i cabbed back home, cleared myself up and hurriedly snuggle under my covers. All was peace til my sis woke me up like 6+am in the early morning to confide in affairs concerning that lousyy boyfriend of hers. It sorta ruined my plan to sleep all the way til the late afternoon.

Subsequently, my sleep was disturbed by this splitting headache and my sis's sorrowful whining. What i heard from her, makes me very very pissed with guys, especially when the relationship has been going on by years, not months, dude.
Sometimes i wonder, when your gf treats you the best she can be, at your beck and call and yet you players out there do things you shouldn't do behind your gf's back and worse, lied without even batting an eyelash, wouldn't you guys feel even a tinge of guilt? or is it you indirect compensate by splurging on materialistic items on her? So girls, beware when your boyfriend treats you extremely nice out of the blue.
The handful of rare nice guys i know are almost extinct.
Even a guy who used to have a crush on me whose in a long term relationship actually dared to ask for a birthday kiss from me. I didnt give him of course. Please reflect guys, the game of love is not played like that. For if you can't abide by the rules, simply leave the game. Though it might hurt the girl, i still think it's the best way out for both.

Anyway some visual aids taken from last night,

*before i was 'red'

*After

jaded and liberated.

I'm leaving all the jaded memories behind, so shifting over here for a new start.
For, 'spongebobo-squarepanties' was something i created in relation to both of us.
and all the nicknames we both gave for each other might soon be forgotten, say in a few months time?

The 19th passed in a breeze. Not that difficult actually.
I only hope as time past, when we look back at all the pictures of you and i, we'll still be able to recall all the bittersweet times. Like what i've said before, i'll always keep ya at a special spot in my heart. Friends we will be, and always be. So if you ever need someone to be around to share your joys and sorrows, i promise i will be there for you.
Some say i'm silly and all, but it's just some unexplainable kind of power call 'Love'.
I heard this several times, 'love is about letting the person go and seeking what he wants, and if he comes back to you, he will be yours', now i would have to agree to that.
Nevertheless i wish you all the best.
Value your life cuz your wonderful parents gave them to you.
Value your health cuz nobody's gona nag at you anymore.
I know i will go on and on if i were to ever say my piece but in short,

Thank you for the wonderful times you've given me. The things you taught me, influenced me, learnt together, all the first time we shared and even the petty quarrels we had that made me stronger and learn, will all be deeply etched in my mind.

And on a totally irrelevant note, i think 'Memoirs of a geisha' is splendid!
Like geisha says: 'let's play truth and lies, do you guys know the rules?'
american says: 'oh, i play it back home, it's called 'marriage'.
get the drift?